I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
