Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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