i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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