well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize