so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
