he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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