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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
