There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize