is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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