More tranny stories later!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
