Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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