I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
