I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
