god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
