I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
