i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
