someone get that fucking seahorse.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
