Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
