I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
