i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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