I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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