Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
