Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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