Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
