i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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