I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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