grandma shit on top of the toilet
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
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