my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
