hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
