Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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