Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
