put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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