the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
