No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Text me some of your sweat
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