Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
