Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
