When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
