it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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