I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
