yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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