I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
