I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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