If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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