It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
MIDGETS
????
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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