i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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