I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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