There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
try to milk me bitch
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