i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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