Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
