I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
im on a boat
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