im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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