Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
