We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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