just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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