at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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