ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
