all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
