just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
