apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
