Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
