And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
