I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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