On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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