Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
