there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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