How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
