i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
