No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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