Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
