grandma shit on top of the toilet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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