I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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