don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
