How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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