Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
