I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
