No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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