Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
